Sorry, I'm going on a tangent. Oh wait. My life IS on a tangent.

Sometimes I find myself in conversation with a friend, talking about our careers, men, friends, family, life, whatever comes to mind. Sometimes I find myself dominating the conversation. At this point I apologize for going on a tangent. But then I realize, "my life IS a tangent" (thanks Anu). My stories never have an ending because they are a continuous tangent of something that should have ended a long time ago. I am a Sagittarius in all aspects of the meaning, thanks to my cousin Anna, I understand this fire sign, which has either blessed or cursed me (give me a couple years to figure that out). I have the "peter pan" syndrome, I never want to grow up. I am unmistakably fun and bubbly MOST of the time, especially to those who are on the outside. But because of this, people sense an overwhelming sense of naivety. To top It all off, I want everything NOW and I need a constant change of scenery in my life (interpret that as you wish). So you can see why my life is on a tangent, I'm a spazzy little kid trapped in a twenty-somethings body. There is actually no hope for me or for my mother who has a heart attack every time I tell her my "new" idea for my life (little does she know, I actually have had 5 new ideas since I walked into her house). Or for my friends who have to undoubtedly be the most patient people on earth to listen what man I am into this season and all the drama I have caused (by myself, did I mention I want EVERYTHING now) and how to fix it. Or to my coworkers, who I am sure think I am a lunatic, but still have lunch with me everyday. Or to my cousins, who accept the fact that I am a space cadet.

Sorry, I am going on a tangent.

I just threw up in my mouth a little...

Why is it that women constantly need clarity? Why do we wonder why he's acting this or that way? Why is it we question what's going on? Why are women the ones who think about the future? Why aren't women more like men? Why can't we just go with the flow?

Every woman I have ever come across wonders why. Men always say they'll never figure women out and quite frankly, they're ok with that. Women on the other hand want to know the meaning behind every action, word, touch, kiss and glance. And if we can't figure that out, then dammit, we need to know why we can't. What is it in women that makes us want to know everything? Why can men just go with the flow and are ok with that? I've went with the flow, that current took me down stream, in the wrong direction. Men on the other hand do it daily and are completely satisfied



Why is it that as women we over analyze things and say things that didn't necessarily need to be said? I'm just going to throw this out there, I am DAMN good at saying the wrong things...all of the time. You think there's a moment that can't be ruined? Well I must have not been there, because I have a bad case of word vomit.

Some like to call women like me "planners". I like to think of us as "clarifiers". But getting clarity on life is sometimes unnecessary. Do you really need to know what your friend is wearing tonight? No. Because chances are you're going to be wearing the same thing you planned on wearing. Do you need to know why he's acting this way or that, doing this or that? No.

I want constant clarification. Where are we going? Who's going to be there? How is so and so getting there? Should this be happening? Is this ok?

I can answer all of these questions myself. Same place we've been talking about. It doesn't matter. It's not your business. It's already happening, get over it. Yes.

Going Dutch with a French

It's a common misconception that when a man asks a man out on a date, it means he's actually going to pay for anything. In the generation of "chillin", "kickin it"or my personal favorite "watching a movie", it is understandable how an entire gender could get the whole dating thing wrong. I guess men now get credit for JUST asking a woman out on a date.

Women and men in their early twenties are used to being broke, TOGETHER. But now that we're both raking in the dough (I use "raking" loosely, as in I don't eat ramen for dinner 5 times a week) it's time for that transition. Where men have to be men. I mean we're not asking for a marriage proposal on the first date, we're asking to avoid the awkwardness of the moment between the last bite and when the bill has arrived. Just grab the damn check and please, if for some reason the woman says "oh, I can pay for my meal" (if you listen closely this is said very unenthusiastically), do NOT say ok. Because she does NOT want to pay. She wants you to say "no, I have it" (preferably said VERY enthusiastically). Even if she offers to pay the tip, it's still a N-O. Wait until the um-teenth date when you two are out for ice cream or something really cheap to even consider this.

If you can't afford dinner, then don't ask us to dinner. Take the poor girl to the Museum or the botanical gardens, aka, free.

And girls, whatever you do, don't go dutch with a Frenchie. It's just wrong.

Hoe, sit DOWN!

Tyra... STOP IT, NOW.

Seriously, do we need yet ANOTHER reason why Republicans can find a reason to find Obama "un-fit" for presidency. I mean I love Tyra and all, but she has taken it too far. You don't see Heidi Klum taking photos as Hillary Clinton or McCain's main squeeze? Tyra, you're fabulous and all, love Top Model, but seriously, you're not helping. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I've seen her talk show a couple times and watched her sit there and carry on a conversation about a subject she in no way relates too. I know you want to help people honey, but telling the obese, kleptos and fugos that you can relate is just wrong... as is this photo. The last thing Michelle needs is the supermodel stereotype hovering in its oh so radiant and perfect light, around her.

thanks for trying.

My life...thank you urbandictionary.com and thank you Anna

Me...on any given day. My phone knows waaaaay too much about me.

Textpectation

The anticipation one feels when waiting for a response to a text message.

Once again, me, on any given day.

flirtationship

When you regularly flirt with an acquaintance or friend but do no more.

So, my friend went to Convention

Ask me about convention and I can tell you exactly what i think it is. Convention is an annual event where East Indians network and find potential suitors, wives and overall LOVAHS. I can picture a HUGE crowd of beautiful brown people all looking for that special something in someone--that or a good lay (ew. sorry that was raunchy).

Seriously, my friend landed in NY and instantly texted me, "if I get hit on at Convention as many times as I have at this airport, I'm getting laid by Tuesday". Point proven. I hope she finds some meat she likes.

Anyway, convention happened...and I'm waiting to hear what it's ACTUALLY like. I'm just going to throw this out there... I bet you there were no elephants. *sigh. i love elephants.

I'M JOINING THE CONVENT!!!!!

Ok, well not really. But dammit, feminism and the whole sexual revolution that came along with it really messed things up for me. That whole saying,
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", is pretty much my reality.

I'm a realist, I can understand this. Why deal with this spoiled broad when you can get a puttana for free (oops, did I say that?!)? Yes, some have accused me of being spoiled. I call it having expectations, please don't get it twisted. I mean, since when did courting a girl go out of style? Oh yea. Ha! How could I be so silly? Chivalry was no longer a requirement when all the girls started giving it up as a statement that women were in as much control of their sexuality as men. No disrespect to all the Samantha Jones', but f***, you're kind of ruining my life. Maybe I can propose a treaty?

Hello, my name is Erica and I am an insomniac.

So, I have this problem-- I don't sleep. I'm really tired, my eyes are heavy, my body is limp and yet, I can't for the LIFE OF ME fall asleep at night. On Friday, I actually took a sleeping pill and chased it with chamomile tea...at 5:30 am. Mind you I had just went out for a guys night (It's this new thing I've been doing since my girlfriends are LAME...and I KNOW every one of you are reading this) and threw back a few with the fellas (I guess if you can't beat 'em, join 'em), so in retrospect I should have been fresh meat for that unrelenting slumber. But no, no I wasn't. Guess I've been an insomniac too long to have the dream world even take a second glance at me. So instead I'm left with a sleeping pill to chase with chamomile tea. Needless to say, I think I have a problem.

UGH. I am SO over it.

Things I am over:

1. G, The Wacker and Special K
2. BIG
3. Fake facades
4. WORK!!!!!
5. facebook (ok, not really. but i hate that i love it)
6. Jar Jar Binks
7. My knee
8. Anu not answering my calls
9. Franzdiego not being in my life
10. Anna living in a different state
11. Minnesota
12. chipped nails (eh. so mine are chipped today, but dammit...never again!)
13. Sushi-- I don't like it and I NEVER will...deal with it!
14. Portal Potties
15. Washing Dishes
16. Body Hair
17. Men who don't wear cologne (I know, I know, I'm obsessing now)


18. The New Yorker (seriously, not ok, I don't agree it's journalism or as they claim..."satire")
19. 7
20. Rain
21. people who don't know how to drive
22. Icky feet
23. Being confused but too shy to do anything about it
24. Self righteous hippies (granola eaters)
25. wrinkles (I don't have any, but one day I probably will (GOD IT HURTS TO SAY) and I will be over it then, I'm just thinking ahead)
26. Student Loans
27. Being an adult
28. Watching people walk out of a stall and DON'T wash their hands. I mean come on--really?!
29. Fat Luke
30. Negative people. SO over them.

Just in case I didn't call and let you know yesterday...

I have a work ethic. It's been awhile since I've had one-- so long I actually thought I didn't have one. But the past couple days I've stayed late at work! I KNOW right?! I guess that's what happens when you actually start to like your job. Weird. I even called my mom. Needless to say, she was proud...well at least that's what I took the unwavering silence for. I think I'll get her a bumper sticker that says "my daughter has a work ethic and your kid sucks". =)