My life...thank you urbandictionary.com and thank you Anna

Me...on any given day. My phone knows waaaaay too much about me.

Textpectation

The anticipation one feels when waiting for a response to a text message.

Once again, me, on any given day.

flirtationship

When you regularly flirt with an acquaintance or friend but do no more.

So, my friend went to Convention

Ask me about convention and I can tell you exactly what i think it is. Convention is an annual event where East Indians network and find potential suitors, wives and overall LOVAHS. I can picture a HUGE crowd of beautiful brown people all looking for that special something in someone--that or a good lay (ew. sorry that was raunchy).

Seriously, my friend landed in NY and instantly texted me, "if I get hit on at Convention as many times as I have at this airport, I'm getting laid by Tuesday". Point proven. I hope she finds some meat she likes.

Anyway, convention happened...and I'm waiting to hear what it's ACTUALLY like. I'm just going to throw this out there... I bet you there were no elephants. *sigh. i love elephants.

I'M JOINING THE CONVENT!!!!!

Ok, well not really. But dammit, feminism and the whole sexual revolution that came along with it really messed things up for me. That whole saying,
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", is pretty much my reality.

I'm a realist, I can understand this. Why deal with this spoiled broad when you can get a puttana for free (oops, did I say that?!)? Yes, some have accused me of being spoiled. I call it having expectations, please don't get it twisted. I mean, since when did courting a girl go out of style? Oh yea. Ha! How could I be so silly? Chivalry was no longer a requirement when all the girls started giving it up as a statement that women were in as much control of their sexuality as men. No disrespect to all the Samantha Jones', but f***, you're kind of ruining my life. Maybe I can propose a treaty?

Hello, my name is Erica and I am an insomniac.

So, I have this problem-- I don't sleep. I'm really tired, my eyes are heavy, my body is limp and yet, I can't for the LIFE OF ME fall asleep at night. On Friday, I actually took a sleeping pill and chased it with chamomile tea...at 5:30 am. Mind you I had just went out for a guys night (It's this new thing I've been doing since my girlfriends are LAME...and I KNOW every one of you are reading this) and threw back a few with the fellas (I guess if you can't beat 'em, join 'em), so in retrospect I should have been fresh meat for that unrelenting slumber. But no, no I wasn't. Guess I've been an insomniac too long to have the dream world even take a second glance at me. So instead I'm left with a sleeping pill to chase with chamomile tea. Needless to say, I think I have a problem.

UGH. I am SO over it.

Things I am over:

1. G, The Wacker and Special K
2. BIG
3. Fake facades
4. WORK!!!!!
5. facebook (ok, not really. but i hate that i love it)
6. Jar Jar Binks
7. My knee
8. Anu not answering my calls
9. Franzdiego not being in my life
10. Anna living in a different state
11. Minnesota
12. chipped nails (eh. so mine are chipped today, but dammit...never again!)
13. Sushi-- I don't like it and I NEVER will...deal with it!
14. Portal Potties
15. Washing Dishes
16. Body Hair
17. Men who don't wear cologne (I know, I know, I'm obsessing now)


18. The New Yorker (seriously, not ok, I don't agree it's journalism or as they claim..."satire")
19. 7
20. Rain
21. people who don't know how to drive
22. Icky feet
23. Being confused but too shy to do anything about it
24. Self righteous hippies (granola eaters)
25. wrinkles (I don't have any, but one day I probably will (GOD IT HURTS TO SAY) and I will be over it then, I'm just thinking ahead)
26. Student Loans
27. Being an adult
28. Watching people walk out of a stall and DON'T wash their hands. I mean come on--really?!
29. Fat Luke
30. Negative people. SO over them.

Just in case I didn't call and let you know yesterday...

I have a work ethic. It's been awhile since I've had one-- so long I actually thought I didn't have one. But the past couple days I've stayed late at work! I KNOW right?! I guess that's what happens when you actually start to like your job. Weird. I even called my mom. Needless to say, she was proud...well at least that's what I took the unwavering silence for. I think I'll get her a bumper sticker that says "my daughter has a work ethic and your kid sucks". =)

excuse me, but i like the smell of man.

I just thought everyone should know I appreciate when a man smells good. I know I have a ridiculously strong sense of smell, but what can I say, I know a good man smell. Now I'm not talking outdoor man smell, ew, gross. I'm talking your soap has a clean, fresh, invigorating scent. Hell, my ex had some great smelling deodorant, can't lie. I mean even Axe (yes, I'm a bit ashamed) gets me! It's just such a waste when men smell like NOTHING. Like really? Do you not want me to remember you? Because as quick as I can be interested I can lose interest (thank you A.D.D.). Really, it's as simple as that, bathing. But then there are those who, wait for it, wear cologne! O.M.G.! Crazy right?! My friend, I'll call him Mose, for the sake of him getting extremely embarrassed (although I'm sure it's not a secret), he smells amazing at all times. Can other guys get on HIS LEVEL?

Thanks in advance.