Keep your crazy to yourself

That was some advice I recently received. Weird, huh?

Let's apply this advice to a hypothetical situation, which may or may not be my life.

There's this guy, lets call him "Big" to be really creative. Big pops up here and there when I want him to, takes me out, is a good cuddle buddy and that's about as far as it goes. Well, I'm assuming we're friends, because we've already been there done that and I am NOT going through that again. But him, being the kind of man he is, likes to call things dates, just for kicks. BUT unlike a friend and LIKE a man that is really not that into me, he only "pops-up" and is not to be confused with a reliable, worthy of your time, man (friend or otherwise). So just the other day, when he once again did not do what he said he was going to do, I wrote an email that went a little something like this:

"Look, I don't go on dates with MY friends. I don't cuddle with MY friends. And I am not going to develop feelings for my friends. Do me a favor, lose my number."

Well, I guess this is crazy. So had this situation been real, I wouldn't have sent this. And had this situation been real, I would obviously plan to stay as far away from him as possible, before I send him something like this. Hypothetically that is. Keep your Crazy to yourself.

He's just not that into me and I'm just not into THAT

So I'm reading this little book a friend lent me called He's Just Not That Into You. Let me forewarn you, it's a tough read, well not really, but lets just say my friend in New York picked up the book at Barnes & Noble, read a few pages, and set it back down, refusing to ever pick it up again.
Long story short, as Greg told me (Greg is my new friend, he wrote the book) "Don't waste your pretty". Here are some of the things Greg and I talked about last night (and by talking I mean I read the words of a man I hardly even know, Ok, I don't really know him at all, but that's not the point).

1) If a man is into you, he's going to try to ravage your body every chance he gets.
i.e. I'm not saying sleep with the man on the first date, I mean that's your deal, but you should be given every chance to shut him down. Men like the chase and mark my word, I'm going to give it to them just the way they like it, the chase that is.

2) If a man is into you, he is never too busy to call to say he is busy.
We've all had the "too busy" guy. He's so busy, so stressed, blah, blah, blah... excuses, excuses. In the age of texts, instant messages, email, gmail, whatever may be putting wind in your sails... 2 seconds can be taken to say "hey beautiful". That's it. Because obviously if a guy is into you... you'd be tired, because you've been running through his mind all day.

3) If he's dating other women. He's not that into you, he's into you AND them. Either way, do you really want recycled goods? EW.

4) He's not the one calling, emailing, texting, instant messaging or showing up at your doorstep with 2 doezen roses.
Well he might contact you JUST enough to keep you around, but that's just it, it's JUST enough to keep you around. Hey, I've been there too, I've even done that to men. Don't be THAT girl. I'm not going to be. Quick, someone please confiscate my phone from me. Thanks in advance.

5) I'm not ready, I don't want a relationship right now, I don't trust women, I don't want to mess our friendship up...I'M NOT INTO YOU. Move on, stop wasting your time love. Hanging around will probably make him detest you, and you don't want to be detested. BUSH is detested.

What I am trying to say is I've been doing a lot of things wrong. There are probably a handful of men on this earth who are into you; I've met 2 and I'm 23. They made me feel amazing. I want that again. I'll have that again. READ THE BOOK.


P.S.
Is this even realistic?

He has NO idea...

That's it. I just thought I'd put that one out there.

Swagger so yesterday?

" i hate swagger. the concept of "swagger" or "swag" is so incredibly played out and lame and ran into the ground to me now, it is disgusting. its not even cool anymore. i hate when people (especially n*ggraz) learn a concept and try to use it all the damn time, and they kill it. i dont even think i'd like it if someone told me i have "swag", i actually would probably take offense to it more so."

-Poor, unsuspecting friend who has no idea his emails are no longer a two way conversation

Yes, I do understand your irritation of the “swagger band wagon”. BUT, you have to remember the history and creation of swag, because in reality not everyone has swagger. And there are different definitions of swagger and those who epitomize it all. No doubt, J has swagger. He has it in his music, the way he dresses, the way he talks, his persona is swaggered out. Common has a swagger, kanye, 3000… you KNOW they have swagger. BUT now everyone is trying to capitalize on the idea of swagger. Swagger in essence, is a form of inherent cockiness that someone might have because they are just THAT good… BUT to get the swag… people have to also be able to see it. THAT is when you have swagger. But I will agree with you, swagger is being abused. WTF? TI MIGHT have a lil swagger… ONLY because he is short and insignificant and he presents himself with a certain aura of I’m not sure exactly what, but I still believed him when he said I could have whatever I like. Similar to weezy F baby (please say the baby). BUT I would say their swaggerdom is definitely on a different level than others… a lower level… one that DOES NOT cover all bases of swagger-ness. So you see , yes I understand the thought of everyone claiming swagger is not appealing… but you have to remember swagger in it’s most purest form. So ONLY be offended of being accused of having swagger if that person is a wayne head.


My friend Terrell says, "I think 3k is the most swaggerly person on the planet. But with him I wouldn't say it's cockiness, it's his extreme humbleness combined with something..."

Which possibly is what epitomizes it all... respect for the game.





That is all.

Sorry, I'm going on a tangent. Oh wait. My life IS on a tangent.

Sometimes I find myself in conversation with a friend, talking about our careers, men, friends, family, life, whatever comes to mind. Sometimes I find myself dominating the conversation. At this point I apologize for going on a tangent. But then I realize, "my life IS a tangent" (thanks Anu). My stories never have an ending because they are a continuous tangent of something that should have ended a long time ago. I am a Sagittarius in all aspects of the meaning, thanks to my cousin Anna, I understand this fire sign, which has either blessed or cursed me (give me a couple years to figure that out). I have the "peter pan" syndrome, I never want to grow up. I am unmistakably fun and bubbly MOST of the time, especially to those who are on the outside. But because of this, people sense an overwhelming sense of naivety. To top It all off, I want everything NOW and I need a constant change of scenery in my life (interpret that as you wish). So you can see why my life is on a tangent, I'm a spazzy little kid trapped in a twenty-somethings body. There is actually no hope for me or for my mother who has a heart attack every time I tell her my "new" idea for my life (little does she know, I actually have had 5 new ideas since I walked into her house). Or for my friends who have to undoubtedly be the most patient people on earth to listen what man I am into this season and all the drama I have caused (by myself, did I mention I want EVERYTHING now) and how to fix it. Or to my coworkers, who I am sure think I am a lunatic, but still have lunch with me everyday. Or to my cousins, who accept the fact that I am a space cadet.

Sorry, I am going on a tangent.

I just threw up in my mouth a little...

Why is it that women constantly need clarity? Why do we wonder why he's acting this or that way? Why is it we question what's going on? Why are women the ones who think about the future? Why aren't women more like men? Why can't we just go with the flow?

Every woman I have ever come across wonders why. Men always say they'll never figure women out and quite frankly, they're ok with that. Women on the other hand want to know the meaning behind every action, word, touch, kiss and glance. And if we can't figure that out, then dammit, we need to know why we can't. What is it in women that makes us want to know everything? Why can men just go with the flow and are ok with that? I've went with the flow, that current took me down stream, in the wrong direction. Men on the other hand do it daily and are completely satisfied



Why is it that as women we over analyze things and say things that didn't necessarily need to be said? I'm just going to throw this out there, I am DAMN good at saying the wrong things...all of the time. You think there's a moment that can't be ruined? Well I must have not been there, because I have a bad case of word vomit.

Some like to call women like me "planners". I like to think of us as "clarifiers". But getting clarity on life is sometimes unnecessary. Do you really need to know what your friend is wearing tonight? No. Because chances are you're going to be wearing the same thing you planned on wearing. Do you need to know why he's acting this way or that, doing this or that? No.

I want constant clarification. Where are we going? Who's going to be there? How is so and so getting there? Should this be happening? Is this ok?

I can answer all of these questions myself. Same place we've been talking about. It doesn't matter. It's not your business. It's already happening, get over it. Yes.

Going Dutch with a French

It's a common misconception that when a man asks a man out on a date, it means he's actually going to pay for anything. In the generation of "chillin", "kickin it"or my personal favorite "watching a movie", it is understandable how an entire gender could get the whole dating thing wrong. I guess men now get credit for JUST asking a woman out on a date.

Women and men in their early twenties are used to being broke, TOGETHER. But now that we're both raking in the dough (I use "raking" loosely, as in I don't eat ramen for dinner 5 times a week) it's time for that transition. Where men have to be men. I mean we're not asking for a marriage proposal on the first date, we're asking to avoid the awkwardness of the moment between the last bite and when the bill has arrived. Just grab the damn check and please, if for some reason the woman says "oh, I can pay for my meal" (if you listen closely this is said very unenthusiastically), do NOT say ok. Because she does NOT want to pay. She wants you to say "no, I have it" (preferably said VERY enthusiastically). Even if she offers to pay the tip, it's still a N-O. Wait until the um-teenth date when you two are out for ice cream or something really cheap to even consider this.

If you can't afford dinner, then don't ask us to dinner. Take the poor girl to the Museum or the botanical gardens, aka, free.

And girls, whatever you do, don't go dutch with a Frenchie. It's just wrong.

Hoe, sit DOWN!

Tyra... STOP IT, NOW.

Seriously, do we need yet ANOTHER reason why Republicans can find a reason to find Obama "un-fit" for presidency. I mean I love Tyra and all, but she has taken it too far. You don't see Heidi Klum taking photos as Hillary Clinton or McCain's main squeeze? Tyra, you're fabulous and all, love Top Model, but seriously, you're not helping. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I've seen her talk show a couple times and watched her sit there and carry on a conversation about a subject she in no way relates too. I know you want to help people honey, but telling the obese, kleptos and fugos that you can relate is just wrong... as is this photo. The last thing Michelle needs is the supermodel stereotype hovering in its oh so radiant and perfect light, around her.

thanks for trying.

My life...thank you urbandictionary.com and thank you Anna

Me...on any given day. My phone knows waaaaay too much about me.

Textpectation

The anticipation one feels when waiting for a response to a text message.

Once again, me, on any given day.

flirtationship

When you regularly flirt with an acquaintance or friend but do no more.

So, my friend went to Convention

Ask me about convention and I can tell you exactly what i think it is. Convention is an annual event where East Indians network and find potential suitors, wives and overall LOVAHS. I can picture a HUGE crowd of beautiful brown people all looking for that special something in someone--that or a good lay (ew. sorry that was raunchy).

Seriously, my friend landed in NY and instantly texted me, "if I get hit on at Convention as many times as I have at this airport, I'm getting laid by Tuesday". Point proven. I hope she finds some meat she likes.

Anyway, convention happened...and I'm waiting to hear what it's ACTUALLY like. I'm just going to throw this out there... I bet you there were no elephants. *sigh. i love elephants.