My life...thank you urbandictionary.com and thank you Anna

Me...on any given day. My phone knows waaaaay too much about me.

Textpectation

The anticipation one feels when waiting for a response to a text message.

Once again, me, on any given day.

flirtationship

When you regularly flirt with an acquaintance or friend but do no more.

So, my friend went to Convention

Ask me about convention and I can tell you exactly what i think it is. Convention is an annual event where East Indians network and find potential suitors, wives and overall LOVAHS. I can picture a HUGE crowd of beautiful brown people all looking for that special something in someone--that or a good lay (ew. sorry that was raunchy).

Seriously, my friend landed in NY and instantly texted me, "if I get hit on at Convention as many times as I have at this airport, I'm getting laid by Tuesday". Point proven. I hope she finds some meat she likes.

Anyway, convention happened...and I'm waiting to hear what it's ACTUALLY like. I'm just going to throw this out there... I bet you there were no elephants. *sigh. i love elephants.

I'M JOINING THE CONVENT!!!!!

Ok, well not really. But dammit, feminism and the whole sexual revolution that came along with it really messed things up for me. That whole saying,
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", is pretty much my reality.

I'm a realist, I can understand this. Why deal with this spoiled broad when you can get a puttana for free (oops, did I say that?!)? Yes, some have accused me of being spoiled. I call it having expectations, please don't get it twisted. I mean, since when did courting a girl go out of style? Oh yea. Ha! How could I be so silly? Chivalry was no longer a requirement when all the girls started giving it up as a statement that women were in as much control of their sexuality as men. No disrespect to all the Samantha Jones', but f***, you're kind of ruining my life. Maybe I can propose a treaty?

Hello, my name is Erica and I am an insomniac.

So, I have this problem-- I don't sleep. I'm really tired, my eyes are heavy, my body is limp and yet, I can't for the LIFE OF ME fall asleep at night. On Friday, I actually took a sleeping pill and chased it with chamomile tea...at 5:30 am. Mind you I had just went out for a guys night (It's this new thing I've been doing since my girlfriends are LAME...and I KNOW every one of you are reading this) and threw back a few with the fellas (I guess if you can't beat 'em, join 'em), so in retrospect I should have been fresh meat for that unrelenting slumber. But no, no I wasn't. Guess I've been an insomniac too long to have the dream world even take a second glance at me. So instead I'm left with a sleeping pill to chase with chamomile tea. Needless to say, I think I have a problem.

UGH. I am SO over it.

Things I am over:

1. G, The Wacker and Special K
2. BIG
3. Fake facades
4. WORK!!!!!
5. facebook (ok, not really. but i hate that i love it)
6. Jar Jar Binks
7. My knee
8. Anu not answering my calls
9. Franzdiego not being in my life
10. Anna living in a different state
11. Minnesota
12. chipped nails (eh. so mine are chipped today, but dammit...never again!)
13. Sushi-- I don't like it and I NEVER will...deal with it!
14. Portal Potties
15. Washing Dishes
16. Body Hair
17. Men who don't wear cologne (I know, I know, I'm obsessing now)


18. The New Yorker (seriously, not ok, I don't agree it's journalism or as they claim..."satire")
19. 7
20. Rain
21. people who don't know how to drive
22. Icky feet
23. Being confused but too shy to do anything about it
24. Self righteous hippies (granola eaters)
25. wrinkles (I don't have any, but one day I probably will (GOD IT HURTS TO SAY) and I will be over it then, I'm just thinking ahead)
26. Student Loans
27. Being an adult
28. Watching people walk out of a stall and DON'T wash their hands. I mean come on--really?!
29. Fat Luke
30. Negative people. SO over them.

Just in case I didn't call and let you know yesterday...

I have a work ethic. It's been awhile since I've had one-- so long I actually thought I didn't have one. But the past couple days I've stayed late at work! I KNOW right?! I guess that's what happens when you actually start to like your job. Weird. I even called my mom. Needless to say, she was proud...well at least that's what I took the unwavering silence for. I think I'll get her a bumper sticker that says "my daughter has a work ethic and your kid sucks". =)

excuse me, but i like the smell of man.

I just thought everyone should know I appreciate when a man smells good. I know I have a ridiculously strong sense of smell, but what can I say, I know a good man smell. Now I'm not talking outdoor man smell, ew, gross. I'm talking your soap has a clean, fresh, invigorating scent. Hell, my ex had some great smelling deodorant, can't lie. I mean even Axe (yes, I'm a bit ashamed) gets me! It's just such a waste when men smell like NOTHING. Like really? Do you not want me to remember you? Because as quick as I can be interested I can lose interest (thank you A.D.D.). Really, it's as simple as that, bathing. But then there are those who, wait for it, wear cologne! O.M.G.! Crazy right?! My friend, I'll call him Mose, for the sake of him getting extremely embarrassed (although I'm sure it's not a secret), he smells amazing at all times. Can other guys get on HIS LEVEL?

Thanks in advance.

I wanna make love in this club... oh wait. i did. 9 months ago.

AN ODE TO PREGNANT WOMEN

IN THE CLUB

It's just wrong. I don't care. When you start showing and you're in the club...dammit, it's just wrong. Now I'm not saying pregnant women don't know how to get down because we all know they DID get down, obviously. I mean you wouldn't bring your 3 year-old to the club, why would you EVER bring your unborn fetus to the club. Well, let me take some of that back, because if you're not showing and you're a couple of months along, I don't see why you can't go to the bar and have a club soda with some friends (I may think that because I'm 23 and I am NOT ready to give up my drinking habits). But when you're tummy starts sticking out farther then your backside, your swollen toes are gushing...not peeping out of your peep toes, your glow is over shadowed by the sweaty broad's next to you and the guy standing behind you asks if your pantene pro-v like hair (thank you pre-natal vitamins) is really yours, it's time to go home mami.

promise not to tell...

but i think i might have a crush on lloyd. don't laugh. i'm not sure. it could be his hair that i have a crush on. i mean seriously. i think he may deep condition more than me. maybe because i am in heart with this song. but i think it's probably because i want to be painted silver and have lights in my eyes. and maybe a little of the before mentioned. either way i am now in heart with lloyd.

sorry for letting you down.

Every year Juneteenth, Every year somebody gets shot.

"Three people were injured by gunfire at the Juneteenth Festival in Theodore Wirth Park in Minneapolis on Saturday. The tragedy of the shooting threatens to play into corporate media stereotypes of black violence and gang activity, overshadowing this celebration of the end of slavery in the United States. "

-Twin Cities Indy Media

Blatantly obvious. Maybe somebody will actually cancel Juneteenth, or maybe (I'm just throwing some obviously CRAZY ideas out there) do something different to commemorate the end of slavery since it wasn't just black people getting shot this time. Maybe someone will realize guns see no color but always lead to the self destruction and mutilation of a community. Maybe because these wounds have punctured their own, someone will finally put an end to a tradition that no longer commemorates a monumental time in history, but now commemorates an annual perpetuation of stereotypes of the black community.

In the end, something needs to change. Vendors should stop supporting an event that is no longer giving people a sense of community to those whose ancestral lines were literally stolen and individual history has long been erased, an event that is stripping a community of its entitlement to celebrate a historical event in which signified the beginning of a long and ongoing struggle to obtain their inalienable rights.

Money is power after all. If vendors stop renting booths IN THE NAME OF CHANGE, maybe somebody will actually take notice.

It's too bad maybe has to litter my head.

And now back to your regularly scheduled program...