Sleep Gropers Annonymous

It has come to my attention after numerous AIM conversations, phone calls and texts from friends of BOTH sexes, there is a serious disorder that is plaguing our generation and you should probably be informed (you can thank me later).

Sleep groping by definition is when two or more people (we don't judge here) lay, stand or sit next to each other while in an undisputed dormant state and more often than not, are not in anyway "official". One party, while still in the state of sugar plum fairies dancing in their head, might cop a feel, rub you down, feel you up or stroke you sideways (I heard that one the other day, still not sure what that means, but we'll go with it).

Now OF COURSE anybody in their right mind wakes up startled and utterly confused as to why this person has went THERE. This is common especially among the: "It's not even like that", "We're just friends (now)", "We're not even together(now)". This my friends and hoes, is a classic case of sleep groping. We've all been there, waking up perplexed, perhaps given a false sense of a non-existent interest from the offender.

Just remember kids, there is NO underlying meaning, your friendship did not bloom into a sultry romance novel and you did not rekindle that flame.

If you have not yet experienced sleep groping, well then, GOD SPEED. Because inevitably, it will happen one day and on that day, do not fret, do not worry that pretty little head of yours, because you have been warned and given the tools to overcome this very powerful and frightening disorder.