Married Men (Part I)

I cut hair...mostly men's hair. A couple months ago, a hot guy by the name of "Mike" sat in my chair, and bit his lip at our reflection in the mirror. He made a comment about the book I was reading and we had a GREAT convo about sashimi, Spain, and his work. Mike and I were kind of guffawing, and it took me 26 minutes to cut his faceted style. He was so attractive in that guy next door way, but charmed me like a veteran. I have a few microlittleteeny questions I ask when wondering if a customer is single, "So do you have any kids getting ready for school?" Mike looked me in the mirror, slowly blinked, "Yea....two." Damn...

For me, the wall goes up and unlike Berlin, won't come down. I would not, nor HAVE not entertained the idea of a wedded man. It's an instinctive thing, where I snap and go, "Aw shucks" like Michelle on Full House. I would freak the f out if some broad, who was touching my husband's head, had the nerve to hit on him-while knowing damn well. So Mike, aware that he totally unplugged the turntables on THAT delightful basement party, left with hair 3/4 of an inch shorter, tipped me 50%, and gave me a tightlipped smile (I raised my eyebrows in a response that said, "No chance dude".)

On a typical work day, I was cutting a 4 year old's hair, trying to convince him that pickles and marshmallows are great on pizza. (Seeing horrified expressions on kids' faces NEVER gets old for me.) Mike walked in, and I got nervous thinking, I had just SEEN this guy-did I mess his neckline up? Did I overcharge him? Hold up-Was he checking me out?! After traumatizing the little boy who loved pepperoni, Chris walked over to my chair, "I called to make sure you'd be here. How have you been? I bought that book you had, I've got a quarter left of it to finish." Understand that this book is OLD, it is NOT a bestseller, and that it's not THAT frickin good. Totally weirded out, I said, "Oh-you actually bought it on Ebay? Yeaaa....so you were here like only 3 wks ago, which means I need to just take like a quarter off the top, 3 on the sides again?" He turned away from the mirror, looked me in the face and said, "Do what you did last time (dimple dimple), it was perfect." Man, he was kinda creepy, but kinda good....

With a stern look on my face, I asked, "Does your son have hair as thick as yours?" Undiscouraged this time, "Nah-his hair's like his mom's, blonde and really fine. YOU have pretty thick hair, huh? I really like how it's all wet and curly this time..." ("This ol cocker spaniel swag? Mike, you so crazy!...I mean: AW SHUCKS like MichellefromFullHouse-shit!)A few fake snips here, some extra combing there, insert some "SNAP-OUT-OF-IT" moments, and we were done. He pulled on me what Bradley Cooper's fine ass pulled on Scarlett Johannsen in "He's Just Not that Into You". Mike's charm had me CURIOUS.

I pulled his name up in the computer, and before I cut his hair, for the last 2 years, Mike had been getting his haircut every 6 weeks like clockwork-WHICH WAS HALF THE TIME HE WAITED WITH ME. Hair doesn't all of a sudden grow faster! Oh God, this father of two KIDS was totally out of line, and I REFUSED to be Scarlett in the closet! Right?! Right....it's been three weeks since and I'm wary whenever that front door opens...but I've always got lip gloss on.